hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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