Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
now i know why i became what i already was.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
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Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
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I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize