im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
