Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
