hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
