I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
