I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i just google imaged poop.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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