Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
