Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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