Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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