The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
