lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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