It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
