: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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