you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
