Im at strip club and am horny
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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