Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
