EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
