I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
