Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I will be naked everywhere
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
