I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
