I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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