he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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