do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
