just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
