Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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