Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
