He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
