Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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