I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
