The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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