Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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