Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
