Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
