Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
