I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
they're like a gay fantastic four
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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