ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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