Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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