Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
