community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
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