11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
