I wish I only lived at night.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize