Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
No...this little piggys going to the bar
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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