Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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