Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
