I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
