No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
