so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
