i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Houston, we have a squirter
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
