Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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