Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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