the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
