I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
