you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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