If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
