She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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