i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
