He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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