She went from zero to smokin in five shots
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️