THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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