I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
