Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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